This season can be so hard for many people. Instead of the presence of more joy, people may feel in greater magnitude the absence of someone they love, happiness and peace.
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Sometimes on days like today, I allow myself to sit and wonder. Tracing my thoughts to what feels like a little string attaching to my heart and heaven.
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Eternity swept into that hospital hallway, in the midst of my anguish and sorrow. Could this be real? Is this a bad dream?
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Sometimes in life we experience brokenness that impacts us so greatly we feel as if we are finished. The life we once dreamed about is gone and now our life is never going to come close to all we desired.
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It’s been two years today since my world changed forever and I heard the words “we are so sorry, Patrick died.”
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The road between sorrow and joy is well worn in our home. The vehicle of our hearts go back and forth on that well traveled plain full of bumps, valleys, beauty and streams in the desert.
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Grief has a way of transforming us. For me at times I felt like the fun-loving, bubbly, happy-go-lucky girl I used to be was just buried deep under grief, she was still there just underneath some pain.
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God wrote the great story of your life before you ever took your first breath into this world. He knew you would be born into a family with a loving parents who were crazy about each other and you.
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Hope- it’s what we live for and breath in. Hope- it’s what gets us up in the morning, when our bodies just want to give up and never see the light of day again.
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Marriage is a treasure. A earthly gift that is so good, it could have only been designed by God.
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Early mornings and late nights there is a terrifying silence as all I hear are sound machines carrying through the hall from the babies rooms to my heart beating fast as I lay in what once was our bed all alone. Surrounded by pictures of us together and our life that was suppose to be forever.
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Today would have been our 5 year anniversary, I had no idea when we talked about forever together that it would only mean 4 earthly years.
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Our baby turns one today (June 22) and as we celebrate his birth it was incredible to look back and see how the Lord carried us through that difficultly of getting him here healthy and how we had no idea what was around the corner for us.
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“I am a widow like you” said the voice of a sweet lady right after hearing my husband went to be the Lord. “Widow, I can’t believe I am a widow” I thought to myself.
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As I have been walking through the immense loss of my beloved husband, I am reminded of these truths to embrace during any season of suffering that will help align our perspective.
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It has been almost 6 months since my husband was ushered into heaven, sometimes it feels like it has been years. The change in the seasons to Spring delivers a different load of grief, memories, and pain.
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The other night as I was praying I was asking the Lord to remind me of His goodness and show me how to live out life and this season of grief with gratitude.
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This Christmas is going to be one I remember forever. Its a bittersweet one. I won’t be cuddled up next to my man looking at our tree, talking about what ministries and families we are going to give to for Christmas.
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